I feel so lonely…
Falling for the ‘wrong’ guys… don’t know if I want to be with a man or a woman… and so on..

I was at a great rock-party yesterday, saw Dead By April and Airbourne live But yet I had to fight this feeling of loneliness when I saw the beautiful couples that were there dancing, smooching etc.. I wanted to have someone special too… and I kept thinking of this guy I’ve met recently through a site…whom I shouldn’t think about like that cause he’s got a girlfriend…and maybe if we met irl we wouldn’t ‘click’, but I can’t help but feeling warm inside when I talk to him on msn… and for that, I hate myself
I miss that feeling so much, I get it too much…I have no boundaries anymore…I fall so easily, getting into teenage crushes almost!

I don’t want someone to love. I want someone to love ME.
And when you feel shitty about yourself, I guess it’s too far-fetched… I want someone who will fight for and with me, who will see how I feel but not be afraid! I don’t wanna scare people away anymore I can’t help being confused, depressed, dark… I know you see my great sides aswell, I know you like that, but I need someone to like the whole me! Even when I hate myself…
Why is this so hard?
People with self-hatred, people who are confused about life also need love!!

I don’t want to be left alone again.. I just want this aching echoing void inside me to be filled with something other than darkness..

If you keep looking and searching, you won’t find it. Is that so?

I just close my eyes, pretending someone lays beside me and hold me…