I got this nasty pain in my stomach, cause my thoughts won’t ever stop spinning. The pain went from my stomach, up through my chest and even to my neck, like someone stabbed me and cut me opened from stomach to the neck.
I’m terrified of being abandoned.
Of being left alone.
And I want to hurt myself for thinking like this tonight…for always thinking like this.
Now I’m afraid of being left by someone who haven’t even claimed me from the start.. He hasn’t picked me from the shelf where the other ragdolls sit. He hasn’t saved me. Yet I hope so bad and I hate it. Everytime I fall, I think someone will catch me, hold me, save me and make me feel safe and never abandon me..but then this terrifying thought strikes; What if I never get saved? What if no one ever catches me? What if I get abandoned again?
Everything scares me.. I’m scared of getting worse, scared of feeling great, scared of hoping, scared of loving…Scared of being abandoned.
This pain transforms into water that fills my eyes..
I want you so bad. Please want me too…claim me…let me be yours.
I wanna be loved by you
just you
Nobody else but you
I wanna be loved by you alone
I couldn’t aspire
to anything higher
than to feel the desire
to make you my own…
