So on friday I got home to Henke and we were gonna drink some booze and watch horrormovies. Sadly I drank too much and had a drunk panicattack, but Henke calmed me down and took care of me and I’m so grateful to have him as my friend.
Besides that mishap, the weekend turned out to be nice! I spent friday-sunday at his place and we were chilling and watching movies all days long, which was very relaxing. We also listened to some great music I like his music cause it’s often music from bands Ive never heard of before!
Today before I got back to my place, we ate at a chinese restaurant. I accidently bit my toungepiercing so that a tiny piece of my tooth fell off :p It sounds more horrible than it was though, and it didn’t really hurt.

Tomorrow I’m gonna try to sign in to the social services thing again, since they couldnt help me out on friday. Then after that I’m going to see a doctor and after that I’m gonna go to a place to get some information about further education. I have a lot of questions and I’m very interested in getting a good education now.

So yeah, I guess you can say that I do have some strength and motivation now to do something about my situation!

On tuesday I’m gonna spend two hours at the shrink so they can ‘examine’ my behaviour and thoughts and see if I have a mental illness or not. ‘mental illness’ sounds harsh though…’personality disorder’, I guess that’s a more suiting word.

I do know one thing, and this time I will FUCKING LEARN IT AND LIVE AFTER IT aswell:
I shall NOT drink alcohol. My depression, my panicattacks, my anxiety…everything gets 100% worse and I can’t predict when it will happen. Will it happen when Im in a bar? Will it happen when I’m on a concert? Will it happen at a friends place? I was lucky this time to have Henke there. I’ve had that shit happen before but luckily I’ve been at friends places, but still…I don’t want anyone to have to deal with me when I’m like that again…and what about next time? Yeah… so no more alcohol for me until I’ve fixed myself more…I’ve no fucking idea how long that will take, but I’m tired of having it like this.

I really long for tuesday…