Just an update…

Was at the shrink today and finished the diagnose-test, but I won’t get the results until another 2 weeks.. I hate it that everything’s so fucking slow!
Anyhow… she said that this test will determind if I have some sort of illness with an actual name in a doctors book, and what special psychologists and doctors I should see in the future. Cause the one I see now, who did the test with me is just someone who everybody gets to see the first time they come to the shrink there. And it sounded on her like I really will have to see a specialist. Both good and bad, I guess..

So wating another two weeks. I asked if I had to keep waiting this long between all my future sessions with next shrink too, cause if so, then it would be pointless, cause I basically need more support almost every week! Preferaly twice a week… she said that I would get to meet the other one more often. I hope so!

My dad gave me money this month again so I can afford my bills and food. So I went to buy some food on my way home from the shrink. The social insurance office still haven’t given me money…it looks though as if I actually WILL get some money at least. I think it’s cause the new doctor I have is awesome and really write detailed certificates of illness so that even the dickheads at the insurance office gets that I’m fucked up!
The doctor even gave me sleeping pills. The mild ones. I don’t think they have the effect I’d want to have..I’m still waking up every hour during the nights…but I am more zombielike during the days instead :p, so they’re doing something anyway! I’m gonna finish off these pills though and then ask for something stronger… I will also get a new appointment with the doctor at the psychology, since he was ill when I was gonna meet him last time. He has to give me other anti-dep-pills really soon…

I’ve also contacted the university of stockholm about a subject I wanna study there called Performance Studies (or something like that in english!). It’s theater anyway :p It seems a bit complicated though, about how to apply and that you have to add courses on your own..I didn’t really get it so I’m emailing again :p
I’m hoping I can apply for it though.
Just to have applied to university for me could be a big step towards something better

My sister’s going to Göteborg tomorrow to check out a make-up school she wants to apply to after the summer, since she graduates college this summer. My baby-sister is growing up so fast! :p

So basically…right now it feels like everything that has haltered and stood stil for me for awhile, suddenly took a step, a slow step, but it’s a step anyway; The social insurance office probably and hopefully finally granting me money, the diagnose-test at the shrink will hopefully reveal what’s wrong with my head, I found this education at the university I have a chance at applying for….
There’s a dim, very very small and tiny light shining through. But it IS a light. And I grasp it and hold on to it.

Christian also called me on saturday. He had recieved the card I had sent him, very late though, and he was very happy about it We talked about meeting up and he said he would hopefully be able to come to me by the end of february. And it seems like he and not only me, thinks it’s a long wait… so the hope is up for me on this aspect of life aswell. He means a lot to me already and he knows it. I’m so excited about meeting him in person for the first time, I can hardly wait! We’ve planned to watch ”The Unborn” in the cinema and also have a horror-movie night ;D
I don’t want to be excited, but I can’t help it…
Wake me up when february ends?