My everyday is an escape from life itself
from swallowing too many pills
from hating what I see in the mirror

My everyday is an escape from reality itself
from falling downhill
in the forests of my everpresent terror

****************************

the bad side of honey
is that it’s sticky
and attracts bees

****************************

it’s pouring
flowing down the side
landing on the table
just to fall
all the way down

hard wooden
or concrete floor
I seem to forget
what I’m still here for

it’s jerking
pulling me down from behind
can’t see through fables
and I call
up to the crown

do you put me through this
do you allow this
do you enjoy this
am I the fool
entertaining for your jewels

it’s pouring
flowing down the side
landing on the table
just to fall
all the way down

****************************

concentrate
on every
and any
physical feeling
on my skin
in my hair
everywhere

all other feelings
are better
than the pain
in my soul

concentrate
on every
and any
physical feeling

all other feelings
are better
than the mental

****************************

I keep eating
but my stomach still wants more
I want to sleep
but my head won’t let me go

let me go
let me go
let me go
put me in a numb darkness
together with my fairytale prince

and the black rose
on my chest

I keep breathing
but my head keeps wondering what for
I want to be free
but my devil just won’t let me go

let me go
let me go
let me go
put me in a numb darkness
together with my fairytale prince

and a black rose
on my forehead

****************************

am I not me anymore
have I forgotten
what I live for?

yes
yes
yes

six years of
this
I can’t take
anymore

live and die
a babys cry
silently smashed
against the
brick wall

shut up, you kid!
You baby!
You good for nothing!
You child!

no
no
no

25 years of
this
I can’t take
anymore

Free this child inside…

****************************

Hollow
sorrow
borrowed
heart

transvestite of my soul
it’s not me
in the mirror
anymore

holllow
sorrow
borrowed
mind

wanting to be the unborn child

****************************

Reject
reject
reject
unwanted
pushed away

rejected
not answered
not seen
alone

why do I treat myself
as I got treated
when I grew up?

****************************

i wish
everybody
knew my secret
but i feel like
everyone
already do
except for me

i have yet to see

****************************

like my own
homemade rain
it falls down
heavy on my head

uncomfortable
to breathe
and I close my eyes
to try to see

hard to sit
and slippery
I feel my soul
start withering

like my own
homemade rain
uncomfortable
soothing wet

I close my eyes
and try to breathe

*