Söndag:

Åkte hem från Motala och hade en planerad dejt på kvällen.  Efter att ha packat upp och gjort mej iordning lite så åkte jag till Bromma där min dejt bor. Vi kollade på film, åt mat, han trollade för mej och spelade gitarr
Jag blev kvar över natten

Måndag:

Åkte hem från min dejt (Pelle heter han), städade lite, sen träffade jag honom igen. Började känna mej lite krasslig dock.. men vi hade det jättemysigt! Sov över igen.

Tisdag:

Träffade några av Pelles kompisar, var på stan lite, sen hemma hos honom igen
Började få riktigt ont i halsen dock

Onsdag:

Låg däckad i Pelles säng mestadels av dagen. Feber och halsont Men han tog hand om mej och var supermysig och underbar och snäll

Idag:

Åkte hem till hässelby imorse och gick till läkaren. Har öroninflammation och halsfluss Äter kåvepenin i 10 dagar nu. Hoppas verkligen inte Pelle blivit smittad eftersom han ska iväg och åka skidor över helgen! Vi ska fundera lite över helgen…över hur vi känner och hur vi vill ha det.. jag är rädd… Jag mår så bra i hans sällskap. Har aldrig haft en sån lång dejt (med tanke på att jag sov över länge hos honom). Han är så fantastisk person att jag är rädd att jag inte kommer vara den enda tjejen som han känner att han vill vara med… låter taskigt mot honom, jag vet.. men mina hjärndemoner börjar leka med mej och håna mej nu, när jag hittat någon som känns ärlig och trygg rakt igenom, en som inte vill ha mej för mitt yttre… men jag antar att mina demoner finns här för att jag tillåter dom genom mitt taskiga självförtroende… istället för att säga till min spegelbild idag hur bra dagen kommer bli och hur stark jag är, så ifrågasatte mina ögon saker som; Varför får jag stanna hos en sån underbar person över nätterna? Vad är haken? Driver han med mej?
Jag blir knäpp! Ville faktiskt hem idag från honom, men bara för att jag skulle kunna vara själv med mina demoner och tankar ett tag…jag saknar Pelle redan egentligen.. på nåt sätt känns det som att han kommer välja bort mej över helgen… AAAAAARRGHH!!!! varför kan jag inte bara sluta tänka??

Nej usch… nu ska jag ta och vila och dricka C-vitamin.
Har tappat bort min mobil-laddare. Jävla helvete. Nu kommer ingen kunna nå mej innan jag hittar den igen… eller ja..jag lär ju vara online nu igen iaf

Hälften av alla kläder jag har på mej just nu är kill-kläder…ooooh happy daaaay!! ;D hihi

Igår, efter två missade bussar med tillhörande tjurigt humör, så lyckades jag komma iväg till Linköping och hälsa på Erik och hans tjej Sussie i hennes lägenhet i Skäggetorp

Sussie var jättetrevlig som jag hade anat (vi har snackat på msn innan vi sågs), och hon hade bakat världens godaste kladdkaka! mmmmm!
Vi satt och pratade, åt kladdkaka, tävlade i Singstar och drack alkohol (jag är så alkoholskadad att jag kan halsa ren vodka :p), sen när vi var helt lagom lulliga blev det en film. (”Not Another Gay Movie”). Den var väl bra för att vi var så lulliga antar jag ;D
Missade sista bussen gjorde Erik o jag med, men Sussie erbjöd mej hennes gästrum så vi kunde sova över Mycket snällt!
Erik väckte mej kl. 9 imorse och vi åt frukost innan vi drog in till Motala igen, där vi skilldes åt för denna gång

Tack Erik och Sussie för en trevlig kväll/natt!

Jag hittade två tröjor på second hand för 10 kr/st. * tummen upp *

Åkte och hälsade på farmor och farfar med, efter att jag hade slängt in lite tvätt i maskinen med. Farfar har köpt en bärbar dator. Dom har aldrig haft en dator förut, så det är mycket för farfar (farmor bryr sej inte) att lära ;D Men det kommer nog bli jättebra
Fick asgoda hemgjorda Mandelkubbar som farmor bakat (hon har ju jobbat som konditor och bakar dom flesta kakor och bullar själv)

Nu är jag riktigt seg i huvudet och trött…. vill sova… men klockan är bara 17 :p Har snackat med Pelle två gånger idag redan (min ‘date-to-be’) ;D Vi ses kanske på söndag redan, beroende på när jag kommer hem till sthlm.

Har äntligen börjat läsa boken ‘Skadad’. Ska nog fortsätta med den snart.

Bye!

(ps. skrev hela inlägget på svenska utan att jag tänkte på det! O_o hehe)

Two days ago, my friend PG sent me a textmessage saying that he would drive past Motala to pick me up if I still wanted to be his company as he was gonna drive north to Gävle. I said sure, and the next morning he picked me up around 7.50 and our Roadtrip began!

I hadn’t met him face to face before, but it wasn’t anything I regretted. He was very sweet and nice and very funny ;D We played song-quizzes for four hours as he drove, we laughed, joked and stopped only at McDonlads to eat :p We figured we could be unhealthy, so it was okey. Three meals at McDonalds (first breakfast, then some lunch and then some dinner).

He dropped off at the university in Gävle, and since I’ve been in Gävle before since my ex lived there, I walked around in the city, chilled out in a café and called my date-to-be ;D (more about that later)
I started getting a bit nervous when PG was one hour late when we had decided to meet up again four hours later, but no worries. When he showed up, we started our Roadtrip back to Motala again.

On our way home we were a bit more tired though, but soon we started singing again ;D He showed me his most favourite character (Rune) that he had created through his work with theater. He was adorable hehe ;D
Then when the dark began to set, we started talking about ghosts. He mentioned that he can see ghosts and has done that since he was a kid. He freaked me out SO much with one ghoststory (that was his own and true, since he had experienced it).
After awhile we decided to stop freaking ourselves out since we were driving through a forest, it was pitch black and a lot of fog!
Good call.

I had bought a little plastic toy-car in a toystore in Gävle, and written ”RoadTrip 2009, Linda and PG” on it and I gave it to him. He was so happy when he got it, hehe ;D

So thanks again PG for a great day!

When I was home again, I was pretty tired and went to bed. But I called my date-to-be (more about that soon, I promise ) and we talked for two hours or more… he made me laugh so much with his sick humour, I almost kept the whole family awake by my hysterical laughter :p
Anyways, when it was time for me to sleep, I couldnt stop thinking about that damn ghost story that PG had told me. Suddenly I woke up, standing infront of my sister in her computer room and I heard her say:”What are you doing??” I remember I leaned on a table and said:”sorry, must’ve been sleepwalking!”
That was exactly what I did :p I had dreamt about that fucking ghost and gotten so afraid in my sleep that I had started walking towards my sisters computer room, in my sleep, and she had heard me whimpering or mumbling, and when she opened the door, I just burst inside, scaring her! I don’t remember walking up to the door, I just woke up, shaking and freaked out in the room! I walked back to my bed but was shaking so much, my sister had to check so that I was okey. I was. I was just freaked out cause of my nightmare and I had to focus on my breathing. I was THAT scared!
Freaky :p
I managed to fall asleep and not starting to sleepwalk again though.

Today me, my sis and her two friends went by bus to Linköping cause my sister was gonna get her first tattoo!! We took a lot of pictures of her when she was sitting there getting inked, but she totally made it without problems or tears! Go, sis! She now has a beautiful Tinkerbell on her arm (I bet she has posted pics on her blog already)

Okey, now about my date-to-be!
I started talking to a guy on the internet… hmm…two weeks ago? He’s 28 and lives in Bromma, not too far from where I live. We got along very good online, then we started using webcams and now we call eachothers and talk for at least 2 hours everytime :p We’re gonna meet up on monday, the day after I’ve come back to Stockholm. I’m excited…!
I’ve been having troubles with my feelings as usual, but I think I’ve managed them a bit now I really want to meet this guy face to face He’s a magician, musician and shows me much respect and makes me smile and makes my tummy warm…

Tomorrow I’m gonna meet up with my friend Erik and his girlfriend, in Linköping (again) It will be nice! I’m not sure what we’re gonna do, but we have planned some singstar and cookies ;D
Before that though, I have to go to the piercing studio here in Motala, where I made my Medusa piercing a week ago. I fear that the jewellery is too little, so I might have to change it to a bigger. Though that means it will take 2 extra weeks for the healing. I’ll see what the piercer say about it tomorrow.

I have pictures on both her tattoo and me and PG’s roadtrip, but they are on my phone and I can’t transfer them to the computer, so I’m trying to send the pics to PG so he can put them online. I hope it works. If it does, I will post pics. If not…then you’ll have to use your imagination

It’s kinda nostalgic for me to be back in Motala and Linköping……..

hmmm…my sis had gotten a small magazine about that girls should be happy about their bodies….so… they had pictures of different females pussies in all sizes and forms, just so you would feel that your own pussy was normal no matter how it looked. Holy hell. I would SO have used that magazine as a pornomag if I had gotten it ;p Weird shit the magazines do to make girls feel ”normal” nowadays….

A big hug goes out to Henke today! He has been through some shit. I will be home soon, sweetie so you can talk to me *hugs*

I’m in Motala now, where my family lives. It’s my moms and sis’ birthday today

Mom and I got up at 6.30 to give my sis breakfast at bed before she went to school. After that I went to bed again to sleep some more :p

Got a call from Christian today. He’s my secret sweetheart and the one I allow to break my heart constantly. He wants to meet me and I want to meet him. Though we’ll probably end up in bed if we do. hmmm…
And Erik got a job! Congrats my friend Since he lives here in Motala I will meet up with him and his girlfriend some day soon I will at least meet up with him on friday after his job.
On saturday the rest of my relatives will come to party to celebrate my mom and sis. I hope I can cope with it…

An old classmate wanted me to call her aswell…I’m not sure…her and me used to be 110% enemies in high school :p But before that, we were good :p well, I’ll see about that..I got her number.

I’m talking to a nice guy from a datingsite..yes..I know.. Ive said over and over again that I won’t date for awhile now, and I still have this crush on Christian (but I need to get rid of it anyway so maybe dating IS good). This guy is normal, sweet, shows respect and yeah… we will meet when I go back to stockholm. Though I don’t hope for anything. I’m not even excited. I just see it as meeting another human being whom I’ve never met before.
It’s getting harder and harder to break down my walls…

Boys and love are serious bullshit.

Ive got to know another guy from Darkside.se who’s really nice aswell, but nothing  goes on between us more than friendship and very innocent half-flirting. He has added me as his protégé on darkside.se, which means, if someone messes with me – they’re messing with him aswell. And I promise, you don’t want that (he’s almost 2 metres and his arms are as big as my whole body) As soon as he comes to Stockholm, we’ll meet up and have a chat
I like meeting new people. I just don’t like it when they hurt me..

Oh by the way, I might get my Medusa piercing tomorrow! Will keep you updated on that. Now I’m gonna see if my parents have something yummy in their fridge ;D

Bye for now!

Vem är det som kommer på alla ord man måste skriva in på endel bloggar när man skickar kommentarer? Ni vet, verifikation så att man inte är en konstgjord spammare eller så? Orden är ju helt mongolida! Jag skulle fatta om det var siffer och bokstavskombinationer, men det är ju faktiskt ORD!

Jag fick ordet INSSEST (ja, läs det högt) när jag skulle skriva en kommentar till en kompis blogg. illa!

Börjar lite svenskt då…fan vad svårt det är att göra alla tillfreds ;p men men… jag försöker iaf En uppdatering jag kan skriva på svenska är väl att jag och käre PG planerar på en liten mini-roadtrip som jag verkligen hoppas blir av om en vecka Han var fullt upptagen med en dejt idag dock så vi hann inte snacka något om det (Hoppas det gick bra, PG och att skaldjurssåsen fungerade som du ville! ;D)

Nåväl, enligt våra små planer så kommer det väl se ut nåt såhär:
9′e mars (nu på måndag) drar jag till Motala och hälsar på familj och släkt och min vän Erik och hans flamma.
16′e mars kommer PG och plockar upp mej i Motala och antingen drar vi till Gävle och sen ner till Vetlanda, eller så hämtar han upp mej på väg från Gävle och ner till Vetlanda…hmm…måste snacka mer om just den där svängen.
18′e mars drar jag från Vetlanda, förhoppningsvis ner till Malmö i Skåneland. Problemet är bara att min käre Christian ska godkänna att jag kommer ta över hans soffa när jag väl är där, så jag kan slagga iaf en natt där. (annars finns en till liten Skåne-påg jag möjligtvis kan uttnyttja för en natt….eller ja, hans soffa iaf )
Sen beroende på hur länge jag kan stanna i Malmö så drar jag tillbaka till stockholm antingen den 19′e eller 22′a… hmmm

Så ja, lite frågetecken att räta ut, men jag VILL dra iväg sådär.
Det lite jobbiga är väl att jag inte stannar så länge i motala då som tänkt och kommer missa min syrras gaddning.. :s men men…gaddningen kommer ju sitta ett tag, om man säger så
Men som sagt; inget är spikat, men väldigt nära att bli ;D

Vad fan ska jag göra i Vetlanda och i Skåneland frågar ni er säkert nu..ja… jag vet inte riktigt själv mer än att träffa nytt folk och ny miljö och bajsa på stockholm och Hässelby ett tag ;D Jag behöver nog det…

OKEY PEOPLE, TIME FOR ENGLISH!

I rented a movie today called ”The Abandoned”. Such a cool movie! It’s a horrormovie, so not for the timid I was a bit dissapointed in the beginning cause it had zombie-shit in it…I’m not too fond of zombie-movies but it turned out to be a really cool paranormal horror movie that actually creeped me out ;D
Rent it. Download it. Buy it. As long as you see it ;D

I was talking to my friend James today about how I feel about myself and how I feel like everyone’s so much better than me, have better lives etc. etc. and he said something that got me thinking:

ME:
I just cant find my place anywhere..I can’t find the people I feel are on my level to hang out with…I can’t seem to get something that satisfies me that I feel I belong
JAMES:
thats because you’re on a higher level than most people
ME:
I feel the opposite..that Im on a much lower level   I look up to everyone, I think everyone are better than me..
JAMES:
maybe you’re looking at the world upside down, and you are at the top?

*big hug to James for being who he is and helps me when I’m confused*
Weird…some years ago I couldnt have any male friends..now I can ….uhhmm… okey, so I’ve slept with most of them, but hey, that’s me!  Sexoholic. I don’t know of anything else…

oh well..haven’t been paid yet, so I’m not a prostitute in that word…

I think I’m gonna sleep all day tomorrow…and then I’ll pack my things I need for Motala (and the trip, hopefully). Then I’m gonna call my parents…and watch another movie I rented (swedish one).
On monday I have to go to the doc in the morning and then around noon my dad will pick me up. It’s gonna be nice to go to their place actually

Now: Bedtime.

(Sorry,PG, another english entry. I suck writing in swedish Förlåt! hehe)

Haven’t updated in awhile…feeling my life has been pretty non-exciting…
It’s sunday, soon monday.
On friday I went to Rock-karusellen in Birkagården and watched my friends band The Reform. They rock!! (please click on their bandname to listen to them )
After that, I joined some friends at the Laughing Duck Pub in the center of Stockholm, but it was kinda boring so Steve, Veronica and me joined the band at Klubb Gås (Bar 122) later, where we had much more fun and much more to drink ;D hehe, Veronica said she wanted to get wasted…and…I can’t remember if she did haha ;D
After that, her and me went to the club Patricia to continue drinking until 05 in the morning. I met my dear Henke briefly and had to hug him of course, holding up the line making the guard and 50 other people behind me pissed off ;p Haha poor Veronica;”Linda, shhh!, shut up Linda, behave or we won’t get in!” But we did
I managed to get home by myself without mishaps, yaay!

On saturday I was hungover but decided to go to Tech Noir in the evening. Popping aspirin for the headache and then you’re ready to party again Bad thing was; it was crowded and they stopped allowing more people inside so after 2 hours in the fucking line I gave up. My toes were numb and I was about to pee my pants, so I went to Mc Donalds instead to eat a meal and pee :p Kinda bad night, but at least I had some very pretty synth-people to look at in the line ;D ;D
And I wasn’t looking all that bad myself:

Me in outfit

Oh and I forgot to mention I cut my hair on friday aswell It was a cute little ’smålänning’ who made me horny when he shampooed my hair ;p I’m so fucking desperate….. haha, anyway, he did a great job but was nervous cause he was still being educated in the art of haircutting ;D He did a great job on me though (’småländska’ and ’skånska’ are the hottest dialects in sweden!! word.)

Manga hair on me..

Okey, so yeah, no Tech Noir. That kinda sucked…but I liked being at home aswell. Talked to my new friend Stefan on msn before he had to go to sleep.

Today was another day of surviving though…. The demons in my head started to really beat me down. I felt like I didn’t have tears to spill today but apparently I had cause soon they kept coming…together with my self-hate and suicidal thoughts I managed not to cut myself though, eventhough the urge was very strong…
I’m just tired having this guy playing with me and my feelings. I’m tired of this chronic feeling of emptiness that eats me alive. Everyone around me seems to start feeling better and get new relationships and I’m still here battling with myself…
I’m going to the shrink tomorrow though. Thank god… will try to explain my feelings I had tonight…
I hate being like this. I hate being myself. I don’t even know who I am….

The 9th march I will go to Motala and hang out with my family and meet Erik and his girlfriend I’m hoping for a great time! I will probably stay for two weeks. Need to be away from my place for awhile, I feel… just try to focus on anything else than my shit… I will bring my laptop but will not be online 24/7, I hope :p
I’m excited cause I will be there when my sister gets her first tattoo!! It will apparently be of the Disney charactor Tinkerbell I will try to do my Medusa piercing aswell by then I think.
Speaking of my sister, I have finally bought her and mom their birthday gifts!!

hmmm…what more can I write about? Jessi (Aurora Studios) told me her kitten had fallen into the toilet. Again. That was the laugh of the day ;D ;D haha, poor stupid thing ;D I hope I can babysit her cats sometime soon again.

I bought some good tea (real tea, no teabags!) on thursday Vanilla-Chocolate-Orange tea (you just know it tastes good by the sound of it!) and Forest Fruit tea I also have White Tea (Jasmine) and Red Tea (Roiboos) as teabags.
I can’t believe I’ve turned into a teafreak when just some year ago I hated tea! Positive change towards the better
I tasted a tea called Hawaiian Sunset at a café and it was soooo delicious! It tasted candy!

Oh jeez, just look at this smiley invasion!!! Have I told you I’m a Smiley-freak aswell? I can’t live without those little bastards

I’ve been checking out this site: What Katie Did and I really waaaaaant a pretty corset!! I think it looks sick but pretty when girls have this kinda ‘corset-waist’. Like a timeglass…. Maybe I should try to get one like that ;D haha.
Well, anyhow, corsets are pretty Jossan and I have been talking about going corset-shopping someday…when we get rich… :p it’s expencive with good original ones :s

Alright, that should be enough writing and updating for today! Don’t forget to write some comments when you’ve read this!