I’ve decided to, instead of just continuing to hate 90% of all human beings, actually become one of the rare 10% of the humans who actively do something good for the future life on earth for all species!
It’s hard to shift the focus. It’s hard to stay positive. I’m not just writing/saying this as some common cliché that everyone uses just cause it’s what you’re suppose to think and say. I’ve been wanting to commit suicide cause I can’t stand this life, us humans, our behaviors etc. I’ve written poems since I was 11 and somewhere along those rainbow and love-lines that came from my pen and my innocent child-heart, there started growing a dark side of my rainbow; the pen that had written humorous lighthearted verses started writing questions about why I was alive, why me? why do we torture animals? Why are we obsessed about our looks? Are there more children out there like me, mom?
Innocent questions became issues and a constant knot of questions forming like cancer in the back of my once free mind. Hate started growing and insecurity became (and still is…) my signature. I couldn’t understand people and people didn’t understand me. Well, they did, but not when I opened my mouth to reveal what my pen had written down. So I stopped doing that for years to come and instead let my pen write it down into more poems, poems that I could get money of now. But money has never satisfied a rare species like myself. And the insecurity that will always haunt me has taught me, like my relatives and family, to not say a word. To keep quiet. To accept.
For years I have wandered around confused. I know I’m a Starchild, someone who just never fit in in this human society and in this world that we have created, but as I wrote previously; I’ve decided to, instead of just continuing to hate 90% of all human beings, actually become one of the rare 10% of the humans who actively do something good for the future life on earth for all species.
But while I try not to hate humans, I also try not to hate myself.
This is not a piece of cake. This is trying to make the biggest, most earth-and animalfriendly weddingcake in history and ultimately put those two humans on top of the cake to represent the human race as I want to be able to feel proud of to represent.
So yeah, it’s a long way to go for me.
And right now I’m trying to gather the basic ingredients…
monkey to symbolize against animal testing and white dove to symbolize peace and a good world
And the measurements were stated in the auction, so I was measuring my boobs, my hips and my stomach to see if I would be able to get into this dress once it arrives. I will, but then I would probably not be able to sit down nor eat of the Christmas food. So starting from tomorrow I will force myself (since I hate working out and have practically NO self discipline) to stop eating all types of candy, cupcakes and other sweet but unhealthy stuff!
