I can’t sleep cause I’m so fucked up both mentally and physically now. It’s 04 in the morning. I have to work today and I know that when I call the psych center I won’t get ahold of my doctor cause she won’t be there or avaliable to talk. I will call anyway and talk to someone cause this is not working. I’m fucked up. I try to sleep and I panic. I get coldsweaty all over, my thoughts are racing…not even Kongo can calm me down. I try to cuddle up to David without waking him up, but it doesn’t work either. So I give up trying to sleep. It’s like my senses are on top, I hear everything, I jump at anything..I am so far from calm and I took Theralen to calm me down. Not sure if it will help.
I’m so fucking tired of this. I’m so fucking tired of having to take pills and now I’m taking pills to calm me down when my normal pills aren’t in reach for me! I can’t do this… I wanna be able to function, to sleep, to not think, to think, to not feel like I will start crying over nothing, I wanna stop to tremble…and so on and so on…
If I sit here and type until David gets up in 1-2 hours, I might make it, then I might not get some kind of freak-out-attack…But the psych center office don’t open until 08 in the morning…that’s four more hours…
I feel like a fucking heroin junkie…
I don’t know what to write..I better try to focus on playing games on Facebook or something for the next hour. When David wakes up I can talk to him…
I don’t wanna end up at the mental hospital, please…*sigh*
